"Why are you packing, Miss Triton?" Small hands handed him a blouse.

"I’m going away for the weekend."

"Where are you going?"

Triton looked down as Amir crawled into his lap. "To a Renaissance Faire."

"What’s a rennysince fair?"

"Renaissance Faire, Amir. It’s a faire that you go to where everyone dresses in Renaissance clothing and does things people did in the Renaissance era." Amir looked at him blankly. Triton smiled. "It’s where people act and dress like people use to a really long time ago."

"Are there rides?"

"No, but there’s jousting."

"What’s jousting?"

"It’s where two men are on horses and have long poles called javelins, and they try to knock each other off their horses."

"Sounds painful to me."

Triton smiled and closed his suitcase, kissing Amir on the forehead. "It is if you fall wrong, lovey. Now hop up, okay? I bet it’s time for dinner."

"That’s why I came in! To tell you it’s time for dinner!" Amir stood on the bed behind Triton and leaned on him, arms around the older boy’s neck. "Are you going to tell Father with me about me feeling living stuff and the Earth, Triton? You said you would but you never did."

"I forgot, didn’t I? I’m sorry." Triton stood and Amir held on tightly to his neck. "I’ll tell you with him tonight, I promise."

"Shelby’s here for dinner," Amir said, disgusted. "I don’t like her."

"I don’t like her much, either, but she’s your father’s guest and---"

"She’s not his guest, she’s his girlfriend."

Triton sighed as they left the room and headed downstairs. "She’s still a guest, Amir."

"Why’d Aunt Mariemaia leave, Miss Triton?"

The young man pursed his lips. Lady Une had come for the girl two days earlier. Triton didn’t think he should tell Amir that it was because Duo and Mariemaia couldn’t keep their hands off of each other. "I think it was because Mariemaia has school on a different colony, or on Earth," he said slowly as he pushed the dining room door open.

Trowa, Heero and Wufei had gone off somewhere, and for the past few days Wufei hadn’t been at school, either. Triton suspected they were on a mission for the Preventers, probably for something about the Dover base blowing up. Duo had been locked in his room since Mariemaia left, glued to his computer and mumbling to himself about codes and bullets. That left Quatre, Triton, Amir, Sylvia and Relena eating together, and now Shelby sat on Quatre’s right.

Amir was scowling as Triton set him down at his seat before sitting next to Relena. It was probably because Quatre and Shelby were talking and laughing, heads close together. Quatre did have the manners to look up and greet his son and Triton, but then he was right back to his conversation with that infuriating redhead of his.

"Stop glaring at her," Relena whispered in his ear.

Triton turned his gaze to his Queen and frowned. "What?"

"Stop glaring at Ms. Ybarra. They’re both going to notice and want to know why you hate her."

"I don’t hate her," Triton whispered sourly. "I just want to rip her hair out and skewer her eyes."

"You hate her," Relena nodded, serving him some mashed potatoes. "Eat, or you’ll never put any weight on."

"I weigh enough," the young man protested, but Relena would hear none of it. He sighed and resigned himself to being stuffed full of food he’d lost any appetite for after seeing Quatre and Shelby flirting with each other. He managed to make conversation with Relena, Sylvia and Amir, and he gave himself lots of points for not slapping Shelby when she had the nerve to ask him if he was seeing anyone.

"Yes, I am," Triton said as politely as he could. "He’s very nice, thank you." ‘Take that, bitch,’ he thought savagely at her. Shelby just blinked at him for a moment before smiling blankly and turning back to Quatre. ‘Good, I hope you hate me for being gay. Quatre won’t like that.’

"You’re glaring again," Relena said softly as she poked him in the side.

"Sue me," Triton muttered.

"That wasn’t very nice, you know, embarrassing her like that."

"What would you have wanted me to do?" Triton wanted to know. "Tell her that I’ve got a very nice girlfriend? If she’s got a problem with me being gay then that’s her problem, not mine."

Relena rolled her eyes and leaned over to tap Sylvia’s hand. The other blond was staring off into space, eyes a little unfocused. "Sylvia?"

"Huh?" The young woman shook her head slightly and blinked. "I’m sorry, what were you saying?"

"I wasn’t saying anything; you’re being very spacey. Anything wrong?"

The smile that graced Sylvia’s lips as she laid a hand on her chest and winced a little was small, but happy. "No, nothing’s wrong at all. Everything’s very, very right."

Relena was still frowning at Sylvia like she was on drugs, but Triton’s eyes widened and he, too, leaned over the table. "Sylvia, are you... you know?"

The young woman laughed and pressed her hand against her breasts again, smiling as she winced. "They hurt," she whispered. "They’ve been really sore for a few days. That’s one of the signs. I think I am."

"Oh my God," Relena whispered as she got it. "Have you told Heero?"

Sylvia shook her head. "Not yet. I want to make sure."

"You should get a doctor’s appointment."

"I have one tomorrow," Sylvia laughed. "Heero won’t be done for another week, at least, so the results will be in before he gets back."

"What results, Aunt Sylvia?" Amir asked, annoyed at being left out of the conversation.

"Just to see if I’m okay," Sylvia told him, smiling and dropping her hand to her lap.

"Are you not feeling good? Are you getting sick?"

"No, I’m not feeling really good, but I don’t think I’m getting sick, either." Sylvia smiled at Amir again and wiggled her nose. "Eat up, kid. Want to see a movie tonight?"

"Can we? Father, can Aunt Sylvia take me to a movie tonight?" Amir tugged at his father’s sleeve and Quatre turned to him, smiling.

"Of course, Amir. Just you two?"

"I’m up for a movie," Relena said. She’d told Triton that she didn’t want to be around Shelby too much, as the redhead seemed to recognize her.

"I’ve got to get to bed early," Triton said, "otherwise I’d love to go. Maybe next time?"

"Okay!" Amir bit his lower lip and looked at Triton, then jerked his head at Quatre and got a nod. "Uhm, Father?"

"Yes, Amir?"

"May I... May Triton and I... talk to you after dinner, please? Alone?" The last was said pointedly at Shelby, who looked down at her plate.

Quatre raised his eyebrows and nodded. What could Amir *and* Triton want to tell him? "Sure." They were about done, anyway. Quatre smiled at Shelby and kissed her hand. "I’m sure it won’t take long."

"I’ll wait in the living room."

Relena and Sylvia had already left and Quatre turned to watch Shelby leave. He turned back when Triton got up and moved to sit next to Amir, holding the boy’s hand.

"Are you all right, Amir?" The boy was very nervous, clinging to Triton’s hand tightly.

"Well, uhm..." Amir looked up at Triton again and got a smile, which seemed to give him courage as he looked back to Quatre. "Do you remember when I was little, and I told you that I could feel the Earth and the plants and animals, and you thought I was telling you a story?"

Quatre frowned and thought back. Of course he remembered. "I remember. What about it?"

"And... you know how I’m afraid of going to Earth?" Quatre nodded again, slowly. "Well, I... I wasn’t telling a story, Father. I, I really *can* feel stuff that’s living. It’s, I, uhm..."

"Heartbeat," Triton murmured.

Amir brightened. "Yeah! It’s like a heartbeat." He reached for Quatre’s hand and placed it on his chest. "Feel my heart, Father?"

"Yes."

"Now feel yours?" He moved Quatre’s hand and Quatre nodded. "See, they beat, like one-two, one-two, one-two, one-two, all steady and even, but... but Earth doesn’t. Its heartbeat is crazy, like it’s going to blow up or something." Amir frowned sadly and looked down. "That’s why Earth scares me, Father," he said softly.

Quatre leaned back in his chair contemplatively. True, he had passed Amir’s story off as a child’s overactive imagination, not really thinking that Amir *hadn’t* been telling him a story. Apparently he’d been telling the truth. He nodded slowly. "How long have you been able to feel living things?"

He got a shrug. "Forever."

That would explain his son’s fear of going to Earth. Quatre smiled and leaned over, picking Amir up and holding him in his lap, kissing his forehead. "Thank you for telling me, Amir. You know, you don’t have to be afraid of Earth. You’re safer there, in fact, than you are on the colonies."

"I am?" Amir’s voice was full of wonder. "But it’s so unpredictable!"

"I know, but that’s how life is. All life is unpredictable, Amir. What you feel from Earth is true life. Up here on the colonies we don’t have true life all around us like they do on Earth."

"Is that why Miss Triton doesn’t like the colonies?"

Quatre blinked and looked at Triton. That was news to him. "You don’t?"

Triton shook his head. "No. It’s far too closed in. I don’t have the freedom that I do on Earth. The perceived freedom, that is." He shrugged and yawned.

Quatre wasn’t surprised that the young man was tired. Since Monday he’d stayed out late with whoever he’d started seeing, not getting home until midnight at the earliest, two at the latest, and then he’d get up early to spend more time with the man before school. Quatre had yet to meet him, but he suspected that Triton would do almost anything he could to prevent that meeting. Ah, well.

"Well, maybe during summer break you can go back there. Do you have any family there?"

Triton shrugged. "Not that I know of. I’m not sure Kate knows, either."

"How is your sister, by the way? She hasn’t called in a while."

"I’m not sure. I haven’t heard from her, either." Triton made a face. "I should call her tonight."

"Tell her hello for me, would you?"

Triton stood and nodded. "Sure." He ruffled Amir’s hair. "Good night, kid."

"Goodnight, Miss Triton!"

‘What an infuriating man,’ Triton thought as he made his way back to his room. ‘Why is he nice to me? He’d be easier to hate if he were mean to me. But no, he’s nice. Too nice. Especially when he’s seeing that redheaded bitch.’ Clawing Shelby’s eyes out was seeming to be a better and better idea the more Triton thought about it. Or maybe if he ripped out some of that pretty red hair Quatre was so fond of touching. Both ideas were good ones. Triton must have had a nasty look on his face because when Cathrine appeared on the vidphone screen, her eyes widened and she stepped back.

"I didn’t do it, Triton, I swear."

The young man grinned sheepishly. "Sorry. It wasn’t directed at you. How have you been, Cat? I’ve missed you."

"Oh, so-so. I miss you and Hilde like crazy." His sister pouted and leaned against the counter, her auburn hair dangling in her face. She smiled at him. "How have you been, little brother? How’s everything going?"

"Well..." Triton laughed a little and shrugged. "They’re going good, I guess. I have something to tell you," he said in a singsong voice.

Cathrine giggled. "Oh? Do tell, do tell."

"I’m gay."

For a moment Cathrine just half-smiled at him, then she started to laugh. "Meu Deus, no way! You’re kidding! When’d you figure this out?!"

Triton shared her laugh and shook his head. "I’m not kidding, and Monday. Surprised?"

"But you’re sure? Like, really really sure? Because I wasn’t sure until I’d been with a guy, you know." Cathrine looked him over and arched an eyebrow. "You did, didn’t you?"

Triton just smiled at how well Cathrine could read him and shrugged. "You figure it out."

"With who? You’d better not have touched my girl, little boy."

The young man laughed and shook his head. "No, not Hilde.... Someone else. You don’t know her."

"She’s a friend, right? You used a condom or something, right?"

Triton rolled his eyes. "Look, Kate, I may be young and inexperienced and very sheltered, but I’m not stupid. She’s a very close friend of mine and she’s on the Pill and I trust her."

"Okay, okay," Cathrine said, sniffing a bit, "but my baby brother’s growing up and I’m not there to see it, and it’s just really hard for me, being away from you for so long, maybe for good."

Triton frowned and gently touched the screen where his sister’s cheek was. "Don’t be sad, Cat. Look, as soon as school’s out I’ll come visit, all right? I miss you, too."

"And it’s only been about a week," the young woman laughed. "Great, we’re pathetic."

"Yeah, aren’t we?" Triton smiled. "Or, if you visited, you could meet Ralph."

"Ralph? Who’s Ralph?" Cathrine’s sudden interest made her brother chuckle.

"He’s the guy I met at the library. We’re... seeing each other."

Triton didn’t know if the look on Cathrine’s face meant she was going to kill him or congratulate him. "Really. Well."

"Oh, God, don’t tell me you’re going to go off about Quatre, are you?" Triton rolled his eyes and sighed heavily.

"Well, no, but I think you should give him another chance."

"And so does everyone else." The young man turned away from the screen and leaned against the counter it was on, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Then why don’t you?"

"Why don’t I?" Triton turned back and lowered his face and voice, hands planted firmly on either side of the screen. "I’ll tell you why. Because I was drunk and I would have slept with him eventually, but not that night and I barely remember what happened and damn it, I wanted to remember the first time I really, truly had sex and I’m mad that I don’t and that I can’t hate Quatre and that I still want him and damn it, I’m *pissed* that James made me like this! I want him dead! I want to kill him!" Triton crumpled and knelt on the floor with his arms crossed over the screen and his head buried in them. His shoulders shook as he clenched his teeth and refused to cry.

For a long, long time Cathrine didn’t say anything. Finally she sighed. "School’s out next week, isn’t it?"

"Yes," Triton mumbled. "Then I’m coming home. I don’t want to stay here anymore. I want to be with you."

"You’re staying, Triton. I know Quatre’s boy adores you, and what about Ralph? You can’t just run away from your problems, Triton. I want you home, but..."

"But you’re on Quatre’s side."

"No," Cathrine said sharply, "I’m not. I’m thinking logically. I have that advantage because I don’t have the emotions about events that you do. Now listen to me, all right?" Triton raised his head and glared sulkily down at his older sister. "Stop glaring. That’s better." She took a deep breath. "Okay. I’m going to ask you questions and you’re going to answer as honestly as you can. I’m not going to tell anyone at all. Okay?"

"Fine."

"Would you have slept with Quatre eventually, if you hadn’t gotten drunk?"

"I already said that." Cathrine glared and Triton scowled. "Yes," he bit out.

"Did you like Quatre, or was it just lust?"

Triton pursed his lips and pretended to think about it. He didn’t want to answer, he didn’t want to *know* the answer. Finally he sighed and nodded. "I liked him."

"Did you love him?"

"Why do you want to know?" the young man snapped angrily.

"Because you’re my brother and I’m concerned about you and I want you to get your head out of your ass! Now tell me, do you think you loved him?"

"It doesn’t matter now! I’m seeing Ralph and Quatre’s got a girlfriend and even if I wanted to take back what happened I can’t! Why push it?"

"It matters a lot, Triton. Now tell me, did you?"

"Yes!" Triton shouted, his pent-up anger overflowing. "Yes! I thought I was in love with him! Are you happy? I’ve admitted it! I was in love with Quatre Winner! Should I run and tell him? Should I get on my knees and beg him to forgive me for being such a stupid, blind, self-centered asshole?! What do you think, sister dearest?"

"What do I think? I think that you should go apologize for treating him like shit. Then I think that you should start treating him like the kind, sensitive and caring human being he is, and not someone you can emotionally abuse just because *you* were abused and you’re mad about it! Quatre’s not James, Triton Bloom, and it’s high time you realized that."

"I can’t apologize," Triton muttered.

"Why not?"

"Because I... I just can’t! I can’t say one thing one day and then the complete opposite the next! That’s being a hypocrite."

"That’s being human and changing your mind, having a change of heart, Triton. If you’re truly sorry for how you’ve been acting, then Quatre will be glad to hear it. I don’t think you hate him. Love takes longer than that to turn into hate."

"What do you think I should do?" Triton whispered. He wasn’t angry anymore, he was just tired, tired of being angry and tired of the extremes his emotions took him to. All he wanted now was for Cathrine to make everything better, which, knowing Kate, she wouldn’t. She’d make him deal with it.

Cathrine smiled sweetly at him, a smile full of love, and just for Triton. "I love you so much, Triton. I just want you to be happy, and you’re not happy. Are you still angry with Quatre?" Triton shook his head miserably. "Then tell him. He deserves that, at least. You don’t have to explain things to him if you don’t want to, not now at least, but please, tell him that you’re not angry with him anymore? Don’t you think he should know that?"

Cathrine was so sweet, so kind and she always took care of him. Triton nodded and swallowed past the lump in his throat. "I will, Kate, I will. I’m sorry I yelled at you, Kate, but... but I’m so angry all the time and I don’t know why and I hate it. I hate not knowing why I’m angry and I hate not being able to control it." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I lose control, Cat, I lose control and I *know* I’m losing control. Normally I can pretend that I’m in control of myself but now I can’t! Why do I get so angry?"

There were tears in Cathrine’s eyes and she touched her screen. "Baby, I’m so sorry. I want to make everything better but I can’t. You have the right to be angry, Triton. You have the right to be angry because of James, because of the party, because you’re upset and confused and it’s all spilling out. I think that you need to have a big, screaming fit. I think that would help."

"I’d get locked away in a loony bin," Triton muttered.

Cathrine smiled a little and shrugged. "No, I think people will understand. The people around you will, I know it. And haven’t you earned it?"

"I guess," was the whispered reply and then Triton scowled again. "I don’t like her, Cat."

"Who?"

"Quatre’s girlfriend! She’s... she’s nice. She’s sweet. She’s driving me insane!"

"Do you think Quatre likes that you have a boyfriend?"

"He’s not saying anything about it."

"Probably because he thinks he’ll get his head ripped off if he so much as breathes in your presence."

Triton scowled again. "Don’t remind me."

"There’s nothing you can do about it, sweetie. Just... apologize and tell him that you’re not angry at him anymore." The auburn-haired woman looked to the side and gave a disgusted sigh. "I’ve got a show in ten minutes, sweet stuff. Will you call me tomorrow?"

"I won’t be here until Sunday night or Monday morning, but I’ll call as soon as I get back."

Cathrine’s face lit up and she blew him a kiss. "I’ll hold you to that. Will you be all right?"

"Eventually."

"And you’re going to apologize, right?"

"Yes."

That brought another smile to his sister’s face. "Good. I’ll talk with you when you get back. You have fun, you hear? And get me a gift."

Triton rolled his eyes and couldn’t help but smile. "Your birthday present is going to make me poor and you want *another* gift? I’ll pick you up something. I love you, Kate."

"I love you, too, Triton."

Triton sighed as soon as the screen went blank and straightened up. ‘Well, I got myself into this and I’m getting myself out of it. But what if he’s with Shelby?’ Triton smirked. What if? ‘Then I tell her to get out so I can talk with Quatre. After all, I’m far more important to him than she is.’ With that thought the young man went looking for his teacher.

* * *

"What did Amir want?" Shelby asked as Quatre walked into the living room. She was reclining on the couch and smiled up at him as he stood over her.

Quatre smiled back and shrugged. "Just to tell me something."

"Oh? Is it a secret?"

"Yes, it's a secret." He sat down next to the woman and draped an arm across her shoulders, turning his face to smell her hair when she curled against him and laid her head on his shoulder. "Is your sister giving up her position easily?" he asked her softly.

"She doesn't care, really. I told her she was being given a much more important position and she just smiled at me and told me to watch out for the Dark Master."

Quatre sighed and shook his head, resting his cheek on her head. "How did she get to be Dean?"

"She used to be all right. Only a little medication kept her sane. She's getting worse, though." Shelby sighed and snuggled closer to Quatre. "She had a bad fall from a horse when she was younger, and that messed her up."

The blond nodded and they watched the fire for a while, not really talking about anything until Shelby raised her head.

"Triton doesn't like me."

Quatre blinked slowly and looked down at her. "What makes you think that?"

"The way he keeps on glaring at me. I swear, it's like he's consciously restraining himself from attacking me. I've never been anything but nice to him. Why doesn't he like me?"

Quatre thought about that for a moment. He knew full well that Triton didn't like Shelby, and he hoped he knew why. "Well... Triton's very... confused at the moment. He's been through a lot. I don't think it's directed at you, specifically."

"What, did he have a bad experience with a redhead?" Shelby grumbled, pushing a random red curl behind her ear.

Quatre chuckled and kissed the top of her head. "No, he didn't have a bad experience with a redhead. He's quite fond of my niece, and she's a redhead."

"Seems to me he'd be fonder of you or Mr. Chang, though he seems to dislike you, too."

The young man paused and looked carefully down at Shelby. She was curled against him, her head resting on his chest and one arm draped over his stomach. She was frowning in the fire's direction and Quatre frowned for a moment, too.

"What do you mean by that?"

"You must know what I mean, Quatre. You heard his crack at dinner, when I asked him if he was seeing anyone. 'Yes, I am. He's very nice, thank you,'" she mimicked, then snorted and snuggled closer to Quatre. "He's gay."

"I know."

"And you let him live with you? With your son?"

'Oh, shit, no one told me she was homophobic...' Quatre sighed and sat up a little, turning Shelby toward him. "Triton is --- was --- my friend. I like the boy and Amir likes him, too, and his sexuality is of no concern of mine. Frankly, I don't care as long as he's not having unprotected sex."

"But, Amir---"

"Has nothing to do with this. He knows Triton's gay, too, and he doesn't care." So, maybe Triton had a good reason to dislike Shelby. Quatre met his lover's frown evenly, raising his eyebrow at her.

"So you approve of having a gay man hanging around your son?" Shelby looked intently at Quatre for a moment, then sighed. "Oh. You support them."

"Yes," Quatre said softly, "I do. I don't think it's anyone's business what happens between two consenting, responsible adults."

"I would have thought, you being Muslim, that you'd protest."

"I did, until I learned that someone's sexual orientation does not completely define them. It's only a small part of who they are and to hate or dislike them because of that one, small part is one of the most despicable things a person could do, in my opinion." The blond leaned his head back against the couch and sighed as he rubbed his eyes. 'I don't want to fight with her. Someone please interrupt us before we start to fight...'

Quatre's guardian angel must have been listening, because just as Shelby was forming a rather heated response the door opened. Quatre decided, as Triton leaned in the doorway in full queenly splendor, that his guardian angel had a sick, sick sense of humor. The Arab watched the Portuguese young man carefully, a friendly half-smile on his face.

"Hello, Triton."

Triton's mouth twitched as he looked from Quatre to Shelby. "Hello," he mumbled. "Quatre, I need to talk with you." He looked pointedly at Shelby. "Alone. Please." The 'please' was a definite afterthought.

Quatre's eyebrows raised and he looked down at Shelby, who didn't seem too happy. "Well..."

"It's important."

'If it's important and he came looking for me, what can I do?" The blond leaned his head down. "Will you excuse us for a moment, beautiful? Please?" he whispered in Shelby's ear.

Shelby sat up and then stood. "Of course." She leaned down and gave Quatre a kiss, then nodded to Triton as she walked past him. "Mr. Bloom."

"Ms. Ybarra." Quatre winced at the vicious civility in their voices and sat up as Triton firmly shut the door and then turned to him. Triton paced for a few moments, his arms crossed tightly over his chest in a protective manner. He looked down at them and nearly growled in frustration before clenching his hands behind his back. He turned toward the fire and took a deep breath, then abruptly turned to face Quatre. "Não estou mais bravo com você.(1)" Quatre looked at him for a moment and Triton realized what he'd done, and what he said next was most definitely a paint-blistering curse.

"Are you all right, Triton?"

"Do I look all right?" the young man snapped, then his whole body drooped to the point that Quatre was on his feet, worried the younger man would collapse. Triton just waved him away, though, and he sat down again. "Look, I... I'm..." He squeezed his eyes shut and pressed the palms of his hands to them. "You know when you do something, and you shouldn't have done it but you can't admit it, even though you know you shouldn't have done it and you want to tell somebody that you shouldn't have done it?"

"I do." Quatre leaned back, still concerned for the young man.

"Well... and when you hurt someone's feelings and you know you should apologize and you really want to, but you just can't?"

Quatre nodded. "Yes." Triton lowered his hands and looked at him pleadingly. "Are you trying to apologize?" Triton's whole body semi-convulsed as if the very thought repulsed him, but the look in his eyes told Quatre the truth even as the brown-haired young man nodded.

"And I'm... I'm not... angry at you anymore. I'm... I'm... how do you say it?"

Quatre almost smiled as the young man's accent thickened. 'You didn't forget the word, boy, you just don't want to say it.' He leaned forward "How do you say what?"

Triton glared at the floor and clenched his teeth. 'I'm sorry.' So why couldn't he say it out loud? "I wanted to tell you that... for my behavior to you..." He got up and paced, still trying to say the words. "I was... wrong. And I am... sorry."

When Triton turned to flee Quatre was ready for it, and managed to get to the door seconds before his student. Triton staggered back with a startled cry, not ready for Quatre's speed, and held up his hands as if to protect himself. Quatre just leaned back against the door and took deep breaths, waiting until Triton lowered his arms to speak.

"Thank you," the older man said softly. "You apology is greatly appreciated and I'm very glad to know that you're not angry with me anymore."

Triton nodded and, by sheer force of will, spoke without a shaking voice. "May I go now, sir?"

Quatre smiled slightly and nodded, stepping away form the door. "Have fun this weekend, Triton."

After a moment, the young man walked out and turned. "You, too, Quatre."

(1) "I'm not mad at you anymore."